…the afternoon a speeding car slammed into my borrowed station wagon, crashing it into a utility pole. I had recently graduated high school, was in a bad relationship, working two jobs, and babysitting to earn gas money.
Just before impact, the world around me entered a state of slow motion, like in a dream. I was pulled high above my body and into a surreal consciousness.
From overhead I watched another car T-bone mine, crushing both cars into a pile of screeching, mangled wreckage. Moving further skyward I noticed my busted windows splintering across the streets, reflecting tiny diamonds of light within the shards. It was at that moment, when the glass detonated that I realized I no longer felt a connection to my physical body. Every sound and earthly feeling disappeared far below while I was swept further upward into the essence of unconditional love.
It’s true what people say about near death experiences – your life flashes before your eyes and the light wraps you inside its refuge, away from pain. I floated there a while as long buried memories of my early life blazed before me in an odd series of rapid flashbacks.
- Me playing with my twin sister who no one else could see.
- Dad beating my pregnant Momma in front of me.
- Grandma doing an exorcism to clear me of demons she claimed had possessed me.
- The ghost at Grandma’s house who disappeared into thin air in front of me.
- The first time I saw angels.
The final memory gave way to every psychic recollection, out-of-body-experience, and angelic visitation I’d ever had, until each experience funneled into a reflective reservoir within me.
As I watched my child self talking to my angels, I heard in the distance below me ambulance sirens and police radios. I felt chaos boiling far below me, and my astral body grew dim. I remember thinking that I didn’t want the light to leave me behind as it had many times before. Suddenly I was dropped from blissful perfection and back into a battered, leaden body.
I gasped, “The kids! Are the kids alright?”
As paramedics loaded me into an ambulance a fireman said, “There were not any kids in the car.”
Thank God, because I had specifically borrowed the station wagon to pick up the four little munchkins I was babysitting that afternoon. I had it in my mind they were with me. Thankfully they were not.
I was released from the emergency room that night, then, against my better judgement, ended up with my lover, Lee, at Godfather’s Pizza on North Main. My head, neck and back were in severe pain but I had to pretend to feel okay, because Lee wanted to do something besides sit at home and watch me recuperate. While waiting for our pizza, Lee kept feeding quarters into the Pac Man machine, flirting with the server and drinking draft beer. I went to the men’s room to decompress. Once alone in the stall, I realized it was the first time I’d been by myself since I graduated high school, and honestly, it was a relief. I was able to quiet my mind and recall my earlier experience.
My first significant observation was that while I was blissfully suspended in the light, I hadn’t experienced myself as the insecure kid everyone had bullied and made fun of. I wasn’t a victim of poverty and negative self-image, nor did I feel the typical desire to try and fit in with the crowds that had made my adolescent life a living hell.
Then it hit me; over the years I had purposely suppressed my sensitive, artistic and intuitive skills, and was taught to believe these qualities made me weak and sissified. I’d withdrawn and buried my gifts.
In the light I was not broken. I felt healed, whole and understood. From the light’s expansive perspective I recognized that my childhood desires and questions were not in vain, then understood my hardships and hard knocks were essentially thousands of blessings designed to awaken me to my true self.
“But, what’s my true purpose?” I thought. A commode flushed in an adjoining stall.
“Wow, I hope that’s not a sign?”
The contrast between how I perceived myself inside the light versus how I felt in my everyday life was staggering. Literally night and day. Had I unconsciously thought of myself as a victim? Had my belief of having no self-worth finally led to my withering into despair over the years? The thought made me shiver.
As a child, I’d seen and experienced the light before, because that was how my angels always entered my room and how my sister in spirit came to play with me. Having freshly reemerged from this illuminated environment hours earlier, I had the distinct understanding that the person I was in the light was also the person I had the potential to be every day – if I chose it.
Something else peculiar happened during my time out-of-body. I had felt compassion and great love for my dad, step-father, and my grandma during my flashbacks. While suspended above the wreck I didn’t judge or blame them, but once I reentered my body the emotional hurt and anger I’d harbored deep in my bones and body for them clouded my thoughts once again.
In essence, I learned happiness is ours for the taking, but we have to do something to create it for ourselves. I certainly wasn’t happy. I’d stayed in a miserable relationship far too long with Lee, constantly forgetting that it takes two healthy people to make a couple work.
I enjoyed my co-workers, but hated my dead-end jobs, which didn’t inspire intuition or creativity. The fact was, I’d been fed up for years, settling for the minimum wage paychecks that the world of textile mills, babysitting, and fast food had meagerly provided.
Because of the car wreck I was able to revisit my true essence; a miraculous experience. As a result, I made a deliberate choice to be happy, follow my heart and do what I love. This thought instantly made me feel light again. I smiled, excited to start utilizing my strengths. I’d always wanted to uplift others in a fun, intuitive way, and after the day I’d had, I figured today was the perfect day to start planning.
I felt Lee’s impatient energy pulling my attention back to him in the restaurant. I flushed the toilet and washed my hands. Then, inside the men’s restroom, I made a silent vow that come hell or high water, I’d figure out what my true purpose was and be happy doing what I loved.
That night I barely slept. Images of the accident and floating in the light replayed in my mind. Each time I almost fell asleep another memory broke through as though I was swimming in calm waters filled with intuitive treasures from my childhood.
Finally, I got up, grabbed my pen and journal. I decided that if I was going to change my life for the better, I also needed to work toward understanding my angels, the light, and other out-of-body experiences I’d had growing up. I learned back in my chair, careful not to strain my neck and back. “Wow,” I thought, “I can’t believe I remembered my angels.”
I wrote, “High Point, North Carolina” and “1963-64” in my journal and then closed my eyes. Being a simple southern boy, I wanted to go back to the very beginning and lasso every single ghost, angel and deep-fried miracle that I could.
THE SIMPLE TRUTH
I have loved the essence of light since I was old enough to grasp the concept of it. Maybe it’s because light is the purest form of love. We possess light in our minds and bodies regardless of what we are physically experiencing at any given time. Even in these odd meatsuits we call bodies, we always have access to light, but we have to call it forth and harmonize with it.
Dolores Cannon said, “I am not an individual, I am part of everything. And when you break this all down, we are love. Because that’s how we were created. Everything goes back to love. Love is the answer to everything. Love is the total essence of everything.”
Goethe reminds us that, “We are shaped and fashioned by what we love.” What do you love? What shapes your life? What causes your inner light to shine bright?
I love learning, writing and sharing information about spirituality, metaphysics and the law of attraction. I love reading stories and watching movies about everyday people that have created great things through their love of music, dance, art, acting, design, spirituality and more. I love observing people, places, circumstances and situations that elevate my soul awareness into higher states of consciousness. Above all else, I love; love. And I know that in your heart of hearts you love, love too.
And, until we meet again, remember to keep your thoughts, feelings, and frequencies high, fast and pure so that you can unlock the Universe within!
With Love Always,